Almost time
Off to a Whitecaps match tonight. Will I be sitting alone? BWAHAHA
I invited my friend's co-worker who said he'd get in touch with me before the match. The only details I told him were that I work near the pub and that I wanted to get to the match around 6:30. I was hoping to meet up before and perhaps going together to avoid having to find each other at the stadium. After all, I have the tickets!
I'm pooped too. My trainer has increased the intensity of our workouts because I told him I wanted to lean out. These workouts feel like our first ones together -- they're tough! I was going to change up the workouts last month but I got sick so I thought I'd stick with weights for a while longer. Earlier this week I realised I was looking rather bulky when I looked in the mirror and made the decision right then to switch it up. With little cardio comes width.
Perception is a strange thing. The newspaper guy complimented my legs today. Obviously, my legs look good to some men, but to me, they're just big and bulky. I feel self-conscious wearing shorts that don't end at my knees. That's why every time I walk around in shorts I keep saying to myself I should cover up.
Didn't get a chance to chat with LL today. I am disappointed. Boo. He sent me a crossword puzzle that he created where all the answers gave me more information about him. I have to say it was a very creative idea! I was thinking of my past experiences of starting something online with men that aren't local. My past experiences have allowed me be less trusting only because there's always someone else. It's too bad LL doesn't live here.
Hello caffeine!!!!!!
I broke down and made myself a (caffeinated) tea to combat the effects of my lack of sleep over the weekend combined with a sugar hangover. I forgot it's a long weekend coming up!! I'm thrilled and hope to get in some sleep. Since I got back from my trip in December, I haven't slept well at all.
I tried to remind myself to keep my frustrations to myself on Mother's Day since it was Mother's Day, after all. My goal was to exercise patience. I invited my mom over for a home cooked meal. I don't know if I want to do it again. She can't keep any of her criticisms about my home to herself, and I haven't learned to effectively let them roll off my back. The easiest way is to not have her come over, or make sure there are others present. To give her credit, she doesn't say anything about my cooking. BWAHAHA
I spent most of the weekend shopping, cleaning, and cooking (Mother's Day prep!). The weather's been gorgeous and it'd be nice to have someone significant to do stuff with. But at least I am getting my me time. I think I invited The Kid to the Whitecaps match on Wednesday but I need to double-check.
Not a whole lot going on with the men front. I met up with my friend after work before I had to rush off to my hair appointment. Too bad I couldn't stick around a bit longer to chat. The Kid actually was cute, but I call him The Kid for a reason. My friend that introduced us says I owe him a beer if I get laid. BWAHAHA Highly unlikely that will happen. But the plans for going to the match was done via text and not directly with him. I have no idea what my friend told The Kid about me (if anything at all). Actually, our conversation was mildly awkward. OMG, am I cougar now?
On the dating site, I changed the age range of men I'm looking for, and I ended up seeing my high school boyfriend's brother as well as my old best friend's cousin-in-law's ex-husband. Small world. I'm already bored with the selection. Interestingly enough, the men that I have been regularly messaging with usually do not live here. The local men are typically not from here and are super outdoorsy.
I'm surprised Dating Expert didn't unfriend me from Facebook. We don't even play Draw Something together anymore! He had a great time with a female on the weekend. And I know men generally don't play games, but I wonder if his post about his great Saturday was partially for my benefit. My first thought was that it didn't end up being an overnight date. The thought of him dating doesn't bother me at all, and I hope he ends up in the kind of relationship he wants. We were not a good fit for each other!
I'm also surprised Mr. Panties have become total platonic Whitecaps buddies. BWAHAHA He's come over to my place a couple of times and watched the matches. He stops by after work, watches the match, and leaves. And when we communicate, it's pretty much only about the Whitecaps!! The transition was pretty seamless. And now we don't even get into personal lives which is totally different when we hung out/dated. He told me way too much back then!
Setup
From the local online dating profiles I've been looking at (holy moly were there ever a lot of men in the legal profession when I was in Chicago), I think I need someone with maturity. Men around my age here are not cutting it for me. I'm going to look at older men, like 4 - 8 years older...that's it. Small steps. Age is just a way to make some assumptions. Basically, I think I would get along with someone who's had life experience...not someone who is finding himself or just starting to think about what he wants his bucket list.
So this afternoon, my friend suggests that I meet him after work for drinks because he wants me to meet this "kid" that he's been working with. I had to laugh. All I know is that this kid is 29 and athletic.
I hope it's not going to be awkward. And I'm in gratitude that my friend thought of me and this young man. But I am still getting the giggles. At least I'm better dressed today.
It's crazy how many compliments I've been getting on pieces that my image consultant picked out for me. And I'm getting my hair done tonight, too! I'm going to feel like a million bucks!!
Yum eyes
I met up with an old high school friend for lunch today. It was nice to catch up. I got a bit of gossip about the people we (well, I) used to hang out with, including my old best friend from high school. I fell into a different a crowd in the twelfth grade, and she ditched me. We were so close probably because our lives were so similar. Turns out our lives may still be similar. She's single! I bet if I called her old home number, she'd possibly answer.
Speaking of being single, over the last few days I've been messaging with soemone I'll call LL. He reminds me of Michael Rosenbaum's character in Smallville. Due to my incredibly smart brains, I figured out he was not honest about his age in his profile. I want to find out why! (With Dating Expert, he wanted to meet younger women.) I didn't know how common it was for people to stretch the truth, but the last few guys I've met in person have all (except one) have misrepresented their height or age. I'd say physique too but perhaps that is subjective. However, people use old photos! I've been expecting slimmer looking people.
I'd rather someone be truthful and a turn off instead of being a fraud. The truth always comes out. Anyway, I'm going to get the bottom of LL's age thing if I get a chance.
We chatted over MSN yesterday, and we have A LOT in common. He also lives on the other side of the country. But what's on the forefront of my mind is that he's lied about his age and he wouldn't say tell me his age when I asked him. I'm also trying to figure out how insecure he is. Aside from the age thing, stuff has come up in conversation that makes him sound fairly well off. He says he's also not limiting himself to meeting people in his area, but he lives in a major city.
I guess I have this impression if a guy has money, women tend to throw themselves at him. But he is looking for something in a wide geographical area. I wonder what he is looking for.
All mediocre things must come to an end
Not surprisingly, he was confused and seemed a little angry. He thought maybe something had set me off. It wasn't anything specific. All the little things coupled with reasons why I couldn't see me being with him long-term just made me cut the cord sooner rather than later. Or maybe if he was able to give me space, I could have gotten more comfortable, but probably not. I was never really that into him. I mean, I lied about when I was coming home from my Chicago trip so I could avoid him!
I did learn some things from dating Dating Expert. He taught me about support in a relationship and gave me a glimpse of how to stretch a buck. I guess that was it. I often wondered what else he had to offer me. I didn't like knowing that he was using me a catatlyst for his life changes or someone to fill the role of constant activity partner.
But the little things...oh the little things...I wish he knew how to say thank you and I wish he would wash his hands more often after going to the bathroom.
Upcoming is a rant. If I don't get this off my chest, it will just keep going through my mind, and these thoughts don't serve me. These thoughts won't be entertaining either, so be warned. Or just don't read on.
I invited Dating Expert to join me at this weekend's Whitecaps match (and it was an AWESOME match...OMG...we won in stoppage time). He ran late to meet up with me (mostly due to him staying up until 4 am playing Minecraft). Then we had to run even later because he didn't bring a jacket and he needed to buy something to keep him warm. But he wasn't going to buy any old thing; it had to be cheap. First he asked me if there was a Wal-Mart nearby. There wasn't nor was there a comparable store with the same prices, so we went to Valu Village. He took some time to pick something out and then off we went to the train station. I'm a fast walker, so I guess that doesn't count if I think he walks slowly. His breathing is usually a bit laboured by the time we arrive at our destinations.
I wanted to get to the stadium a bit early to look around in the plaza, knowing that he'd never been to a Whitecaps match before. There wasn't much time for looking around at the plaza so we went in. Then he took some time looking at the fast food places. I wanted to get to my seat to see the stuff being shown on the big screen, so I went in without him. He could see I was getting annoyed so he said I could just meet him inside. He came back with a bag of donuts, chicken fingers, fries, and a beer. I was a little perturbed he hadn't asked if I wanted anything. He did offer me a French fry though. He finished off the food (this was all before the match started), and decided to go buy some water. Again, he didn't ask if I wanted anything.
But kudos to me to have the brains to tell him which guys the Whitecaps were. At the beginning of the match, he didn't seem all that into it. Not only was he on his phone (doing work), but often times he wasn't even looking in the direction of the ball. I'm glad he got into the match by the end.
Just about everything he did annoyed me that day, which told me I shouldn't wait to dump him. I thought I could wait until he met up with my trainer for his meal plan. But I couldn't take it! I didn't like having him touching me or having his arm around me. I didn't like that he jokingly suggested he move into the building next to mine, and I didn't like him asking me when he was going to meet my friends. The thought of getting naked with him turned me off, too. I made my decision to end things while we were on our way to the match. So I did it when were just about back at my place after the match.
I also felt like I spent more money on him than he did on me. If I offered to pay instead of feeling like I had no choice, it wouldn't have been that bad. Last week, he ran out of gas (who does that?!). He called me, and I brought him some. Although he said thank you, he didn't offer to pay me back. (If he had, I wouldn't have taken it.) Another time, he was adamant out for a late night meal at some Asian eatery. A lot of Asian places accept cash only, and I told him this. He doesn't often carry cash, and he didn't suggest stopping at a bank machine. So I paid. He makes more money than I do, but has very little accumulated wealth.
And the importance of his health and fitness were not compatible with mine. He was going to have my trainer create a meal plan for him to help him lose weight. He canceled the appointment after I dumped him. He had also complained about the cost. He was overweight and didn't seem all that concerned about losing the weight. He was okay with doing it slowly. And he felt that all he needed to do was build up his chest to balance out his stomach.
I was very much attracted to his intelligence, but he regularly went on long rants. It didn't seem like he was looking to converse about a topic but just to share his thoughts. Those "conversations" reminded me of the times when my dad would just start talking to me at home. I dreaded them. He'd go on forever, look for some validation that he was being heard, and not ask for my opinion.
I was also a little alarmed when Dating Expert said that playing Minecraft made him feel good about himself. He liked getting the acknowledgement for his accomplishments. Based on my gut feelings on how he felt about himself, I knew that me telling him the truth about why I didn't want to keep dating him would probably encourage him to feel like a loser.
Although I'm trying to give guys more than just a first date, I could have gone with my first instict with Dating Expert.
So hungry!
It's the end of the work week which makes for a hungry liath. My body is starting to go back to the way it was before I went on my carb binge post-vacation. That is a good thing, but I'll be on vacation again pretty soon! BWAHAHA
Last night I went shopping with my image consultant. I bought quite a number of things. She picked out items for me that I would have not on my own. I sort of know how those people on What Not to Wear feel now. A lot of the things I tried on didn't make me go WOW...they were more like ....really? That?
To the image consultant, I already dressed matronly...BWAHAHA But the things she picked up were conservative to me. I guess I went from one extreme of wearing inappropriately revealing clothes (several years ago) to really covering up now. There were lots of purples and blues...both colours that I avoided for a long time.
I'm looking forward to the weekend although I haven't really thought about what food to treat myself to. I'm finding it not as fun to eat with Dating Expert on the weekends as I had envisioned. He eats like crap during the week and so when he is with me, he feels strong enough to say no to treats and crap. Not impressed.
I plan on breaking things off with him, but it's just a matter of when...I do plan on waiting a little bit. It's a full moon tomorrow, and numerically, I'm apt to offend people by the way I express myself over the next couple of weeks.
I could really use some time to:
1. Tidy up my home.
2. Clear out my closet.
3. Plan my Mother's Day dinner.
4. Plan my vacation.
5. Research digital cameras
My camera is on its last legs, and now the LCD display is all wonky. I was hoping it could hold out a bit longer...
Bake sale!
Right now I'm craving lemon meringue pie and a Dairy Queen confetti cake blizzard. This funfetti stuff is the newest flavour in town right now. It's all over the place -- it was in even in Oreos, for goodness' sake!
It's been a relatively quiet week for me, but I've been feeling really run down. I think it's just the effects of spring.
Driven and camel toe
Will and Kate recently celebrated their wedding anniversary. I've avoided reading about it all. I was in London last year when they had their wedding. The trip and things related to that wedding remind me of Mr. Pants. Sometimes I think I miss him, but then I realise it's just me remembering happy experiences we shared and then getting mildly sad.
I can't help but compare Dating Expert to Mr. Pants. There are things that I liked about Mr. Pants that I don't see in Dating Expert, which disappoints me. But there are things about Dating Expert I like that Mr. Pants lacked.
I think I am like a stereotypical woman who looks for stability in a man when it comes to long-term potential. I think I am getting too old to wait for a man to mature.
What I'm really getting is that the state of Dating Expert's finances troubles me. He's not in debt, which is a great thing. But financially, he's where I was over a decade ago -- no equity or a whole lot of savings, and definitely hasn't done any preparation for retirement. He's several years older than I am. Is there such a thing a financial compatibility? I want someone equal to me in that area.
Been busy
Work - My company is going through a friendly acquisition right now. I'm actually pretty excited about it! And I am still swamped with work. When the quantity of work goes up, my personal time on the web goes down!
Cooking - I got the Breville Pie Maker when it was on sale at Williams-Sonoma. Not so impressed with it. And I also have a bit of regret for buying it. I mean I'm not a pie lover, and since I'm not a convenience person either, I don't have a lot of stuff on hand when I want pie on a whim!
Dating Expert - We're still dating. He's a breath of fresh air sometimes. And I'm slowly getting over this wanting space thing, or maybe we're just dealing with me better now.
Whitecaps - Watching their matches and keeping up with what they're doing is time-consuming, and I'm falling behind! There was an open house at BC Place today (where they play their home matches), and the highlight for me was checking out the locker room!!!!!!!
SHHH!
Everyone just shhhh! I would just like some peace and quiet for a few hours. That would be wonderful.
Nobody to talk in my ear on the phone.
Nobody having super loud offensive phone conversations next to me on the train.
Nobody having work conversations in my pod.
Nobody's personal mobile phones ringing in the office.
I can't hear myself think!
Zzz
Something strange is going on. I'm not feeling as grounded as I did maybe a month ago. It's a great feeling when my energy is clear and happy!
Springtime does make me tired -- like no amount of sleep is ever enough! And I've been consuming A LOT of junky, sugary food. I could be crashing right now, too. I've always been able to stop after one cookie or 5 M&Ms, but over the last week...it's been more like one dozen cookies and half a pound of M&Ms in a sitting. Even before I ate ultra healthy, I didn't eat like that. I don't know what's going on. I think it's just an addiction.
I met up with Mr. Panties at the Whitecaps match yesterday. It was weird to think he was someone I was "hanging out" with. (Actually, it was more like...HIM!? Seriously?! What was I thinking?) My friend didn't think Mr. Panties was for me anyway, and this was based on first impressions from the last time they met.
It feels like Friday today. I wish it were. But it's customer appreciation day at Williams-Sonoma! I'd really like a set of All-Clad pots. That would really make my culinary life complete!
Oh, and I guess I come across as critical to some people. Maybe it's only to boyfriends. That seems to be where these observations come from. Only thing is...I have no idea how I come across that way. I don't outright put people down. Is it just general negative comments? Is that the same as being judgemental? I'm confused. Friends think I am the most non-judgemental person they know while men think I am critical.
White whiskers
I cannot believe how exhausted I am. I even skipped the gym this morning for a bit more sleep! I still have a lot of stuff going on. Tonight I need to do some prep for the image consultant I'm meeting up with Friday night. Tomorrow night is another Whitecaps match. Thursday is a Williams-Sonoma customer appreciation night and more appointment prep.. Last night, Dating Expert and I met up with a couple of his friends.
I just want a break. This past Sunday was good because I literally had nothing I felt like I had to do -- well, except go to sleep early. But then Dating Expert popped by for an unexpected visit.
I feel like taking a break from dating at this moment -- or rather, dating Dating Expert? I feel like I should be more into him, and I wish I were. But go through scenarios about what I'd say to when I break things off. We've not had "the talk", and he talks about things for us to do together in the long short-term. They're things I want to do but I'm not sure they're things I want to do with him. I can't classify him as a boyfriend, but I guess he is someone I'm seeing.
Mr. Panties and Mr. Pants shared the same birthday. Dating Expert and Mr. Pants have the exact same mountain bike. What is up with these signs?
I did a search on airfare to the UK. It's PRICEY! Holy moly! I still want to go because it's another opportunity to travel. Is the cost worth it? Hmm.
Caffeine jitters
I'm just suffering a sleep deficit. I can thank Dating Expert for that. His perceptive nature still astounds me. Anyway, nothing really new to report. We're still getting to know each other.
It's Martial Arts Superstar's birthday today. After I told him I wasn't looking for a texting buddy (via text, of course!), we stopped communicating. But I wished him a happy birthday on Facebook, and he threw out a "let's get together for coffee sometime" BWAHAHA Really?? Seriously?? I'll play along anyhow.
The caffeine is keeping me in a jovial spirit today!
Carnations again!
Dating Expert and I had a talk earlier this week, and I'm glad we did. I was feeling smothered. We're still figuring out how we fit, I guess. I am even allowing myself to like him more. Now that freaks me out.
Last year when I went to the UK, I bought a lot of chocolate. I'm still going through it. My current chocolate bar has notes of leather. I don't like that kind of note in my chocolate.
It's also a beautiful spring day here. There was a slight breeze on my face, which reminded me of Chicago.
Dog Whisperer with allergies
Growing up I didn't have pets. My mom put her foot down on that issue. Anything caged or in an aquarium would have been fine, of course. A few years ago when I went for allergy tests, I found out that I actually have a mild allergy to cat and dog saliva.
On the weekend, I went out to Dating Expert's place. We don't really live that close to one another, so it takes a bit of coordination to meet up. I met his chihuahua. And then we went to a dog show. I'd never been to a dog show before, so it was really interesting. (Anything I know about dogs is really from watching Dog Whisperer or my brief interaction with friends' dogs.) His dog was in my lap for most of the long car ride to and from the show.
Last night, my arms were SO itchy. They were itchy where his dog had his nails...He got wriggly when restless. I took an antihistamine. I don't know if it was the dog or whatever it was he was bathed in or a combo mixed with the fabric of my shirt...but uh...*scratch* *scratch* *scratch*
Anyway, animals seem to like me. And Dating Expert's dog was no exception. Dating Expert was surprised at how quiet his dog was around me and would even sit in my lap. Normally, I guess he just barks at strangers in his home or looks at them funny. I'm naturally a calm person, and I think meditation has really helped me stay calm. But watching Dog Whisperer has taught me a little something about introducing myself to dogs when I enter the home. "No touch. No eye contact." "Be calm and assertive."
Perhaps things with Dating Expert are winding down. We had almost no communication yesterday (compared with incessant texting and rounds of Draw Something). I don't know if he was making a conscious effort to give me space (which I totally took advantage of yesterday. It was SO nice to just do my thing without distractions) or if he thinks I'm upset with him. Or maybe he's lost interest.
I'd be okay if he lost interest. As much as I like that he is extremely intelligent and multi-talented, I can't see long-term with him. He's unsure about having children and our life experiences don't seem to complement each other. He's also not as health-conscious as I am, and I don't like when people use me as inspiration (too much pressure!). And he talks about his ex WAY too much.
Again, when a guy talks to me about his exes (do I really care what kind of shoes she liked or what gym she goes to now? No, I do not.), he's going in the friend zone. And if *I* talk about my exes, the guy is going to stay in the friend zone.
(Ooh, a coworker complimented my legs today. So flattered -- especially since I was just thinking that my thighs were big!)
Really windy
I've spent most of my time in Evanston and Chicago.
GREAT trip in terms of seeing Chicago.
SUCKY trip in terms of being driven crazy by my mother!
The woman is teaching me a lot about the need for patience, and it's a lesson I am not catching on quickly. And space -- I still need space and maybe some peace and quiet. I'm learning that my mom is a very negative, somewhat controlling ("You should..."), and dependent ("I can't...") person. She doesn't like being alone (despite what she says "what about me?") and she does not like silence. If she's not telling me how to be and how I should be or how to act or how to do anything, she broadcasts whatever is on her mind. Can the woman please stop talking?? It got to the point where I'd just cut her off and tell her to stop talking.
And when we're out, she's my shadow. I turn around and she literally bumps into me.
But things I love about Chicago:
- friendly people (although they're not as friendly when they're working in retail)
- abundance of restaurants
- architecture
- green space
- taste of the water
- lots of things to do
- public transportation
I hope to come back in the not too distant future! It would have been great to do more touristy stuff like check out some sports and Millenium Park. Next time I'll also know to bring warmer clothes. BWAHAHAHA When I sat on the top deck for the Hop On Hop Off tour, it was so windy I couldn't breathe. The wind kept going up my nose!
While I've been here, Dating Expert and I have texted a lot. I'm not sure what's going on with us. He's keeping me interested, that's for sure, But I don't know if things are moving a little too fast for me right now.
Time
I feel like people want my time. I'm grateful I am in demand! But even I need to book an appointment with ME!
Dating Expert wants to see me. But I can barely think past the end of the day. I don't do well with spontaneously getting together with someone last minute. And I need to pack and prepare for my vacation.
Other people want to talk to me on the phone. Unless I know I have a block of time where I can give someone my undivided attention, I don't want to make any promises.
This one particular fellow who gave me his number...Well, I haven't had time to call him. I barely know him, and I've been out on the weekend and waking up early and working late during the week. If I don't have time for myself, I really don't want to make time for someone else. So I gave him my email address and explained I didn't have time for phone calls (but I gave him an alternative way to get in touch with me, which is also more convenient).
He said I could have called him in the time I sent the message or called him for a 5 minute chat. I don't see the point of calling for a moment of small talk. And I am not about to call him just any of time of the day.
Blue legs
I guess Dating Expert and I had a date on the weekend. We started off at the driving range (holy moly...I remembered the tips I got from the execs from our company golf tournament, and I was actually hitting balls! Looking forward to taking some lessons againt this summer!!). After that, we grabbed an early dinner, and then went to the movies (saw The Hunger Games...I was hoping to read the books first but oh well).
I haven't had a lot of dates where they've paid for everything. I don't want to make assumptions that they will nor I do ever make expensive suggestions (that I wait until we're a couple...BWAHAHA). I hope it was his pleasure to treat me because I feeling a little bad about it.
I was also thinking, "holy crap - what is going to expect in return?" He's suggested on multiple occasions to cook for me at his place or to hang out at mine. I've always declined those because I don't know him well enough, and for me, it's a safety issue. I also think there's an expectation of some sort of action, but again, I don't feel like I know him well enough.
After the movie, he was really putting on the pressure for us to go back to my place. I was a little annoyed that he couldn't just let it be when I said no. But I guess you can't blame a guy for trying.
I also saw Mr. Pants on the weekend when we attended the Whitecaps match. Thankfully, there wasn't a whole lot of awkwardness. Just a lot of soccer talk. I did have a secret hope that we'd hang out after, but that didn't happen. And I also didn't get particularly gussied up for him. No time, and I was on a carb crash.
Thank you, angels!
Everyone at work seems stressed since everything is happening at the same time...software release and fiscal year-end don't mix. Aside from our regular work duties, there's a whole whack of admin stuff to deal with, too! So yesterday at our meeting, things got a little heated...the team lead was getting defensive about all feedback. Usually she's not like that. It'll be better in a couple of weeks.
But while I was in that meeting which lasted less than an hour and a half, I received text messages from four different people, and they were all either men I had dated or were men I'm getting to know. That was so divinely weird!
Today I will see Mr. Nick for the first time in 3 months. I asked if I could buy the other Whitecaps ticket off him, knowing full well that if he said yes, I'd be right next to him the whole time. (Or maybe one of us can switch seats?) I have no idea what to expect. The last time I saw him, I purposely made things awkward because I really wanted nothing to do with him. I still don't want anything to do with him, but at least now I have no feelings about him. Emotionally, I feel that I've healed and moved on. This doesn't mean I want to build any sort of relationship with him, friendship or otherwise. On the other hand, I hope I look extra vibrant around him today -- kind of a take that, dumbass!
Dating Expert and I cleared things up a bit. I was feeling a little uncomfortable with some of his text messages because I got the impression that he wasn't looking to date (me) but he was still hinting at getting together. When I put those things together, I just naturally assume he's looking only to get laid. He accused me of deflecting his "suggestions" of getting together, and I finally just told him what I thought of him after our first "date". He apologised and said he could see why I would think he was only interested in being buddies. So now he's aware, he's been sort of slotted into the friend zone. But in fact, he says he likes me. I'm flattered!
It felt REALLY good to clear things up and I'm happy I took the risk to open up and be honest with him (another thing I'm working on...being open). I'm just about ready to do the same thing with the Martial Arts Superstar. Again, he's doing all this texting...and giving me the impression that he's interested but yet he hasn't said anything - even though we've mentioned getting together. I'm ready to tell him that texting is great, but if he's not into face-to-face interaction, forget it!
My stalker has calmed down a bit, thankfully. She's been busy and now with that extra space I am getting, I feel more inclined to hang out! Great! And I also got a Facebook message from an old elementary school friend. I can't even remember if we went to senior high together, but it's been at least 20 years since we saw each other? She's in town! I'm looking forward to catching up with her.
Pimp 'n' bitch
One thing that made me laugh was a section about slang. First off, don't use it in technical communication. Second of all, don't use profane or derogatory slang. And then they gave examples of "pimp" and "bitch". LOVED IT.
Not a whole lot going on -- been crazy with work lately and working later than usual. I have not been enjoying this mercury retrograde. I'm also getting wild cravings for chocolate right now. Not good that I am succumbing to it since I am on vacation in a couple of weeks!
Email from the grave
This morning in my email Inbox, there was something from "g liath" [liath being my last name, of course!]. "g liath" would have also been my father! I thought his old email account was spammed or something.
However, the email was from a Gloria...nobody I knew, and it was some mailing list thing. What was interesting was that the link was not spam -- it was a link to a documentary about the food industry. I believe the documentary was created by the same person who did _Food Matters_. That type of topic is completely up my alley!
And at the gym today, the aerobics instructor played all Beatles music. My dad listened to The Beatles ALL the time, especially when I was growing up. I always think of my dad when I hear the old school Beatles songs.
Up with the grumps!
So tired and grumpy today.
Leaves little patience for much.
But at least I can laugh about it! BWAHAHAA
This was not a poem.
Clean box
I like a tidy (i.e., empty as possible) Inbox for my email. When I've read an email, and either replied or filed it away, I delete it. I hate having to scroll through my Inbox because it's like a to-do list.
For emails I am not waiting urgently for a response to, I hate getting replies to messages I just sent before I even close my browser. HATE IT! I feel like I am supposed to get back to them as quickly as they got back to me. Generally, I don't have that much time.
Date or not a date?
Online dating in general
I've purposely not put a profile up on the most popular online dating website ever because I'm not looking for quantity. I'm still not sure whether I want to be doing online dating. So with the website I'm on, I don't get a whole lot of action. Good enough for me!
My experience so far is that there is a lot of texting, and I'm finding it's replacing face-to-face interaction. So when a guy is constantly in conversation with me via text, I'm not sure how to take it. They want to converse with me but not in person? And the guys are not ballsy enough to directly ask me out. So I'm confused as to what they want...despite meeting from an online dating website.
And then to top it off, when we do meet in person, they talk about their dating experiences and their ex-girlfriends. When I hear this, I automatically think "okay, they are not looking to date me. Otherwise, they wouldn't be dilvulging details to me like I'm their buddy."
Okay, so I've only met 3 guys in person in the last 2 months. But every single one of them mentioned their exes. And two youngest ones talked about multiple exes, or girls they dated, or girls they met online, or their experiences with women, or what they will do next on dates with other women. Really, to an every day joe...tell me everything. But as someone that you may want to date, I don't give a sh!t!
Dating Expert gave me a lot of information on what it's like to be a guy on a dating site. Guys stop putting in effort because women ignore them. Apparently, it's a numbers game -- send 100 messages and maybe get a couple responses in return. I write back to everyone and that is supposedly an extreme rarity. And there are women who end making my life worse because all they're in for the excitement for having men pay lavish attention on them. Men are afraid of getting used!
My "date"
So with Dating Expert, we'd been texting a lot and textually, our conversations have been good. I was waiting for him to ask me out. I made some comment that I was going to get together with a friend since he we did not have plans. He retorted that he had tried to set something up but I always had excuses. I'm thinking WTF? When a guy asks me what I'm up to...I take that literally and I can be a busy girl. They need to give me something to work with!
We ended meeting up for dinner. (He was shorter and chubbier than I expected.) I gave him an awkward hug when he reached his hand out for a handshake. (I've decided I'm going to start hugging more and in a different way.) He said he wasn't going to have a big meal and told me not worry if I wanted one. I actually appreciated that. Over dinner, he talked a lot about his past, dating-wise. I wasn't sure if he was nervous. I know I wasn't. But he talked a lot and he seemed to feel the need fill in silent gaps. I'm okay with silence.
There was an awkward moment for me because I wasn't sure if he was joking or not about going to my place. I think it was supposed to be a joke, but not that he'd decline if I invited him over. Since the restaurant was so cold, we went to a coffee shop after dinner (even though I was exhausted and would have gladly gone home. It was my suggestion to this, so why did I?!). We (he?) talked some more, and then we called it a night. He could tell I was really tired.
He walked me to my car, and I gave him another awkward hug. And that was that! I think he gave me the one-armed hug.
Date or not a date?
Date: He paid for everything.
Not a date: He talked about past women and how he plans on meeting women. He kept the amount of personal space between huge! But he also said he wasn't currently in "dating mode."
I figured our contact would be a lot less after last night. But after he got home, he texted to thank me for coming out and that he enjoyed my company. And he's asked me over to his place tonight for grilled romaine (i.e., dinner).
I get really confused when I meet men from online dating who meet me and don't appear to want to date. I'm definitely not looking to make new male friends.
Weekend update
OMG, my turkey filet turned out really deliciously!!! It's so easy to overcook white turkey meat.
A rest from the weekend would be nice. I was completely expecting some down time, but it ended up being very social. It was great to connect with people even but it also meant not being able to get back to a bunch of email (or sleep).
Friday
Friday was a team building event at work, and we did an Iron Chef competition at a local culinary arts school. It was great fun and afterwards a few coworkers and I hung out and played a bit of pool. For me to hang out with coworkers socially is out of the ordinary. Usually the first few years I'm with a company, I like to keep my work and social lives completely separate. Later that evening, I ended up texting all night. Despite my dislike for text conversations, I seem to be doing a lot of it lately. I would much rather connect with a person IN person, or at least by talking on the phone. When I text, I can't do anything else. My hands and eyes are completely occupied.
Saturday
Saturday, I finally got in a workout. It felt SO good. I'd been away from the gym almost a week! I dropped by mom's to give her some bread and sacrificed my optimal protein consumption time. In the afternoon, I got together with a friend. We were originally going to discuss the book _Dear Lover_ but ended up talking about a whole gamut of stuff. Lately, what's been on my mind is "how do I get back to my feminine roots?? How do I show more vulnerability?" I've come to realise I am a feminine woman trapped behind the mask of masculinity. Later that evening, I lied to one of the guys I'd been communicating with so I could be home alone to watch the football game. I need a nickname for him: Dating Expert.
Sunday
I started off Sunday morning by taking a long drive to get to my meditation class. After the class, I took an even longer drive to get home. I met up with my BFF for a few hours and had a couple of hours before I met up with the Dating Expert. I think he deserves his own post. After a 4 hour long "date", I got home and tried to get bed ASAP. I only got 5 hours of sleep last night!